The Nowhere Place

  Have you looked for me? Wondered where the traveler may be? A few have, and my gratitude is beyond expression. While we all love to sling our ink to page regarding our last spanking, broken heart, kids, flowers, pets, books, add in some more spanking just for fun; are we not really hear for the community? Who post then honestly hopes it never reaches anyone.

 Thus here I am. Actually I am in my “nowhere place” which is emotional not physical. I started going there subconsciously while spending so many years alone as a defensive mechanism. It is a place where I function but quite literally am void of emotion. Very much like a Prozac, Seriquil, Jack Daniels party except I have had none of those this week. 

  I am here because all that I hoped I might could have in a relationship has gone away. A twenty seven year investiment gone. Very much like staying with one company all your career to discover there is no pension at the end. Not even a cheap watch, or grocery store cake. Just a “if you dont want this I’m taking it”. Then realizing the next morning you do not even have utensils for fruit loops.

  So here I am. Nowhere. A familiarplace. Except, this time, I have my Zil who can sense all my medical and emotional issues. She comes over as I look through old Army stuff, puts a paw on my shoulder and gives me kisses. Who can stay in nowhere when Zil is around?


I Need No Blade

I need no blade to gash my flesh.

My memories are sharp enough.

They rip my heart and burn my soul.

No scar do they leave.

They come to me with gnashing teeth.

Bringing a hell I know to well.

No I need no tool to torture me.

Pain gnaws it way through my flesh.

I embrace it now my sadistic lover.

Flay me open until my soul escapes.

Death bringing sweet release.

When Does it Stop

I wallow in my pit of sorrow

Ever the vigilant depressive


Waiting on arms to reach around me

Pull me off my back


Hoping one day I will be understood

This is not my choice


Praying she will understand

God alone can not fix me


Thinking depression is better

Than the swing from happiness to anger


It would all just end