And That Happened

Thankfully the knives are packed. My wife arrived at my house this evening to help pack the last few things. We have not lived together in years. However were planning to move in together in the next few weeks to see how things work out. My daughters have been with me and we have all had hesitation about coming back together. 

 Regretfully things were said tonight. Loudly. Venting of fears and anger. Roller coaster of emotion. Currently the girls are on one blow up matress, wife is on another and I am on the couch. I managed to keep my wife from walking out tonight and giving up. 

 I don’t know. Maybe we should just give up. Maybe it is time. Twenty seven years of a bad marriage is a lifetime. However, I do love her and wished she would love me. My daughters are my world. I want to have my family. 

  Tonight, I sail into the storm. Willingly. Hoping when the Sun breaks through we will be whole. This is the last time this ship will sail. I hope it floats.

Down Hearted,

Traveler

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Past Crashing Back

Sometimes my past becomes more than my present can handle. With no one to tell but myself in the mirror. So I scream at myself and say the only good hero is a dead one. Wishing I could find peace. Praying for the pain to end and the anger to go away. Hoping all anyone sees is the kind me. The bit of love that I force to the surface because it is the only part of me I wish to keep. So now I keep the beast at bay. I pet my dog, smoke my cigar crying silent tears. It will all scar over again soon.